Wednesday, March 10, 2010

True meanings

What is being fake? Is it not being yourself? Is it lying? Is it telling your daughter time and time again that you're going to be there for her and not showing up? Or is it just not loving your own kids? I'm done with him. How dare he say that I'm fake, when I'm always honest with him! I try to do what I can and be nice to him, but after so long of being lied to and disappointed you can only expect the worst from somebody. He may not have any authority in my life anymore, but he still plays a huge part. I've been told that this isn't true, but in my mind I hear, "He left us, he didn't want us, he doesn't love us." In my mind, every time he calls is like a little reminder. For days after that five minute phone call I think, "Why doesn't he love me? What happened to make him want to leave?" It may not be true in his mind or in reality, but that's what things like that do to a person. You question, you have doubts, you want to know what you could have done that would have made him want to stick around a little longer. He has put too things in the way of my happiness. Slowly, I've grown up because of him. I still have a long way to go though. If he can't love me enough to be in my life, then my mom can and I can love myself enough for both of us. It's funny. Not even a week ago I wanted to stop writing in my blog. Now, I can't stop writing and I like how getting stuff out in the open makes me feel. He can say whatever he wants to because it doesn't make or break me. "Love me or hate me, either way you're still thinking about me."-unknown

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